Because I’ve learned to tap into tears, I made note of a portion of Scripture when tears appeared while I read it. To say God is my Portion is the biggest understatement I could state. For He rescued me from the deep and delivered me from eating disorders, disordered thinking, and self-destructive living. He set His Spirit in me so I could defeat the darkness that tried to swallow me with despair.
Part of my despair stemmed from the belief I was unworthy of love. I believed I was broken beyond repair. I believed I was emotionally abandoned because I wasn’t good enough to bother with.
I needed someone to love me unconditionally. Without shaming. Without strings. Without condemnation.
I needed real love instead of the narcissism I was exposed to.
The way God grabbed my attention was the same way He won it in the verses I alluded to.
Here’s what Psalm 18:16-19 says:
He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.
His delight in me reached down and rescued me. Love isn’t just a word—it’s a verb. And because God is love, He healed me and loved on me in a way that won my allegiance, faith, and trust.
Relationship—not rules—rule. I want to follow God’s rules because I have a loving relationship with Him. Not because I’m afraid He’ll abandon me. He places His Spirit in us so we’re guided, motivated, and provided by His Power to do His will.
duck on the water
alone and vulnerable
we are watched over
by He who delights in us
with His everlasting love
Here’s a checklist of eight traits of narcissists I paraphrased during my research:
1. Inability to show empathy or true love.
2. Always makes the conversation about himself or redirects it back to himself.
3. Doesn’t apologize for being hurtful and turns the table so it looks like you’re oversensitive (or even crazy).
4. Gives used or discarded items, they no longer want, as gifts.
5. Is easily angered by any criticism directed at them.
6. Doesn’t really listen to anything you have to say (they honestly don’t care).
7. Will always try to outshine you by bringing up how they would have done something better.
8. Intense jealousy of other’s accomplishments.
This wasn’t an easy post to write and share. Part of me wanted to delete it. But maybe someone needs to see the way someone is mistreating them isn’t about them at all. I’m grateful for the courageous people who wrote about their experiences.
Their words helped me understand, heal, and forgive.
One day I’ll share my story if the Lord gives me the go ahead.
True Love Blessings ~ Wendy Mac