A Longing (The Path of Infertility)

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A Longing

She reached out

and tenderly touched the doll

the childless woman

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She dressed her dog

in bright sweaters and bows

the childless woman

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She mourned again

as another month passed by

the childless woman

~

Wendy ❀ 2015

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… a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Proverbs 13:12

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I’m enjoying the relationship I have with my three children.

Every once in a while I remember

being the woman in the poem,

and my soul sings thanksgiving.

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Some families start unexpectedly or predictably.

Some are made through adoption.

Some through marriage.

Some families, like ours, are formed after years of waiting

and hoping

and praying.

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Only those who have walked the path of infertility know how lonely it can be.

If a woman loses a baby

everyone comforts her.

But what do you say to someone who is losing the baby of her heart

month after month

year after year?

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The worst things anyone said to me were:

 “Maybe you’re not praying right.”

“Maybe you need to learn a lesson about relinquishment.”

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The best thing anyone ever said to me was

nothing.

She was a kindred spirit I’d become friends with

while we both lived in the same tiny community.

She blessed me with her silence.

With her hugs.

With her prayers.

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And over a decade later she rejoiced with me.

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My teen daughter and I love to shop together.

We also love to laugh, talk, and walk.

We hug, cry, and pray together too.

Today’s pictures are from a visit to our local Filberg Park.

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 I’m no longer waiting for children,

but my daughter insists I need to get a dog

to replace the little sweetheart of a teddy bear I lost last year.

Kara, my daughter, is a cat person (she has an adorable kitty),

so when she mentions dogs

it’s because she’s seeing through my eyes.

And that’s what real friends do too.

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But my heart is full,

full of family and full of creativity.

I’ll wait until the time is right.

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He settles the barren woman in her home

as a happy mother of children.

Praise the LORD.

Psalm 113:9

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What special longing did you receive after an extended wait?

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Blessings of fulfillment ~ Wendy ❀

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And speaking of mother and daughters,

I want to thank Cynthia Reyes (author of A Good Home ) for hosting a contest

 to win a free media consultation with her media savvy daughter,

Lauren Reyes-Grange

My name was chosen along with one other person.

Thanks to Gallivanta I learned about Cynthia’s blog and book.

Then I listened to a CBC radio interview

featuring Cynthia (she’s an award winning Canadian journalist)

and I immediately bought and read her memoir.

You can read my review of this 5 star Canadian book

on my Goodreads link below.

Now I’m itching to write a memoir one day.

And I know I’ll be reading her next book.

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64 thoughts on “A Longing (The Path of Infertility)

  1. I can so relate to this Wendy. And my children never came. Years after it was too late, I found out what prevented me from having kids, after a hysterectomy had been needed. I do think God gives us ‘gifts’ in the form of what at the time, seems like an awful burden. The fact that i don’t have kids has made me reach out to others and mother them. I have people in my life that depend on my kind heart, people that don’t have anyone else. I think everything is for a reason. Although we may not know it at the time. I feel like I have made a difference in this world. I’m a prayer chaplain in my church. And I pray with people all the time, and show them love and compassion. There is a ‘mother’ in all of us, and some men have that wonderful nurturing ability too. We just need to pray to Him and ask how we can open our hearts and be of service. He will let us know.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Linda, I have been one of those recipients of your compassion through both your comments on my blog and through your own posts. I treasure friends that have become family. One of my lifelong friends is child-free and she has adopted my children and our other friends’ kids by praying for them, sending cards, and asking about them. My children consider her a very special and close aunt. She’s been more involved with my children than many of their blood relatives. ❀ You are a beautiful example of God’s loving service and true motherhood.

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  2. To be able to wait in patience. to have a lovely daughter who is also a friend. to be able to tell the story of your blessings and share Kara’s picture with us.Yours is a moving, inspiring story. I am glad for you and thankful that you’ve shared your journey with us, Wendy. My best to Kara.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is golden. Powerful testimony. If only there were a people on the earth who longed and ached for a love-sick God who desires them like this…so well written, Wendy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Brad. Your words remind me of the verse about how God longs to gather us like a hen gathers her chicks. If an imperfect parent can love their children so much, I can’t even imagine the width, depth, and height of the Father’s love for us. ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  4. This blog post touched me deeply, Wendy. Your Kara is sooooo lovely. After my happy marriage I suffered miscarriages and we decided to adopt. We have been blest with two wonderful sons that are still very close to us. Both are married now and we look forward to the arrival of our fifth grandchild. A loving spouse, children and grandchildren all enrich family, and in doing so enrich all of society.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, dear Mary. You too know this journey. And I agree that “all of society is enriched by loving families.” It’s not about how or when a family begins–it’s about the love within it. I’ll pass on the compliment to Kara. ❀ Congratulations on being a member of the grandparent club (I look forward to it too).

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  5. Okay, it’s official now. We are indeed twinkies. I waited nine years for my daughter and went through much the same as you. And what a blessing my child has been ever since the day she was born. The Lord knew what He was doing in making me wait because I was a much better mother then than I would have been had been born earlier. And wow, is your daughter beautiful!!! Praise the Lord for all His tender mercies and blessings whenever and however they come. My daughter got pregnant only once and lost the baby after the third month, but her husband had a two year old from his previous marriage when Nikki met him and Annie has been a blessing to all of us. Then Nikki and Chris adopted their two Guatemalan boys who are but a year apart in age, and they have blessed us wonderfully too. God is always sooooooooooooooo good! Love and hugs, N 🙂 ❤

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    1. Dear Natalie, I’m honored to be “twinkies” with you. ❤ Looking back over my life, so far, I can also see good in the waiting. God uses whatever happens to us for our benefit and to bless those around us. Infertility wasn't fun–but I learned a lot from it. And it drew me to the Father. Yes, dear sister, "God is always—so good." ❀ Hugs.

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  6. Wendy I never went through this, I accepted at my age that I may never be able to have children and so when I was able I feel blessed every day. It is a silent suffering for many and having a friend just being there is a wonderful thing. Your daughter looks gorgeous and your photos always make me smile.

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    1. Kath, I was amazed to end up having three babies after such a long wait. Each pregnancy was a gift that I did not take for granted. I remember one of the nurses at the hospital commenting about how happy I was (if she only knew). ❀ Even my doctor was excited.

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  7. Wendy, this is a lovely, honest and touching post. My mother had 4 miscarriages, and I had 3, and so we cherish children all the more. I was so glad when you brightened the post with your daughter saying you should get a dog to replace the teddy bear you lost, as I was getting lost in painful memories.
    Thank you for this wonderful post.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I too waited almost 10 years and finally had my prayers answered. Her name is Savannah Marie, Marie after Mary, The Mother of God, because I prayed for her to intercede to comfort me in my ache and loneliness.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Michelle. When I was in the middle of the journey I appreciated reading articles that acknowledged the grief and didn’t preach. God treats us as individuals, and not everyone gets a bundle of joy at the end of their path. ❀ But we can still have the joy of the Lord.

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  9. Good things come to those who wait. Wendy, I’m so happy you finally have the family you wanted! I didn’t have to wait long for my children, to put it mildly, but I am forever grateful they are in my life. Kara is absolutely beautiful. Hugs to you, Mom. ❤

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    1. Thank you, Patti. I’ve noticed that the biggest thing prayer changes is my own heart. I would have been more than willing to adopt–but that fell through and I was eventually able to birth our three children. My heart felt the same love for the child I was hoping to adopt, even though I never got to hold her. ❀

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  10. Wendy, this is so full of wisdom and beauty. Sometimes it’s difficult to see God’s path for us when we’re on it. Only in the looking back can we see the loveliness of the lessons. Bless you for your willingness to be open and honest in the telling. ❤

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    1. Susan, I couldn’t agree more that “looking back …we see the loveliness of the lessons.” ❤ I'm counting on that for all of life's trials. Live, love, laugh & learn lessons. ❀ God wants to bless us.

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  11. A very thought provoking post Wendy and I feel immensely for those who are waiting. Our son-in-law’s sister has gone through a few rounds of fertility treatment and last time she became pregnant she lost the baby at 16 weeks. They have been through a very gruelling process. But they are now about two thirds of the way through the adoption path and feeling very hopeful and happy. I can only imagine how hard those times can be. X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Christine, my heart goes out to wannabe parents. It can be a painful path to parenthood. I suspect you’re perfectly compassionate as you’ve had to overcome great obstacles in your own life. ❀ I hope their adoption journey ends with an armful and a heart full of love. ❤

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  12. So sweet, Wendy. You know I’ve walked this road. When my oldest was placed into my arms, my heart was so content. How do I know? That week, I received a call from the military hospital in San Antonio, after months of waiting, telling me it was my turn to go through in-vitro fertilization. And I told them, “No, thank you. I have a baby, and my heart is happy.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Shelli, your comment gave me goosebumps. Your daughters are beautiful. Like you. I only briefly used fertility drugs. They played havoc on my emotions, and I refused to use them anymore. There’s no way I could have handled in-vitro. A friend tried that route and ended up adopting three children instead. I’ll never forget how happy both she and the baby were the first day they were together. It opened my heart up to adoption. ❀

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    1. Gene, one of my most cherished memories was the relief I felt when a friend thanked me for not saying anything and just crying with her over the death of her child. I had no words. And that was good. I want to remember that. ❀

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  13. There is too much beauty and grace here to focus one one idea, Wendy. I am deeply moved. I grieve that you were judged and I rejoice that the growth that emerged from the experience blesses us all. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. Rita. I’ve learned from grief. And when I mess up and step on someone else’s feelings I forgive those who have stepped on mine, even more. Grace and forgiveness are essential ingredients in a friendship cake. ❀

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  14. Congratulations on your name being chosen! That’s exciting. 🙂 You deserve it. Your writing always has so much love and meaning. Today’s post was hard for me to read. I don’t have children and just this morning was talking with my husband (who is ten years older) that I will be alone in my older years. It’s sad. There are reasons why I didn’t have children mainly because I didn’t get married until I was in my 40’s. I was so messed up as a younger woman. A terrible upbringing prevented me from making any commitments. But God has a plan for each of us and that’s what I hold onto. I was meant for the lessons in my life right now and that is good enough.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Laura, I love your words, “But God has a plan for each of us.” Yes, that’s the best truth to “hold onto.” I’m embarrassed to admit that sometimes I wistfully look at my child-free friends when the bills are tight and I’m concerned for health issues in a child. There’s a cost to any path we happen to be on. And we are wise to reflect on your words, “But God… and that is good enough.” I love your comment. ❀

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  15. This post brought back memories. We eventually adopted three children, but the years of waiting were hard. All those baby showers for someone else. All the questions of …so why don’t you have any children yet? I usually just didn’t answer or laughed. I remember all the “advice” we got that was usually unhelpful and often hurtful. Looking back I know they were trying to be helpful. I agree that often no words are better or just an “I’m sorry”. Thank you for reminding me what God has given.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amen to “the years of waiting were hard.” Karen, it was the uncertainty that I found the hardest. But it drove me into the arms of God. He held me. And now He holds me as I navigate the teen years with my children. I agree that people mean well. I wonder how many times I’ve hurt someone unintentionally by offering unasked for advice. Ouch! Like you, I’m thankful for “what God has given.” ❀

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  16. I have never been in those particular shoes but I have seen friends in church go through those years of longing and rejoiced with them when the Lord blessed them with their precious children. Similarly, they rejoiced with me when God brought me my husband after years of longing for another chance at love for me and my kiddos. In between, there was much crying and praying for one another. People you can do that with are rare and wonderful. Thank you for a lovely reminder of how blessed I have been, Wendy.

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    1. Thank you, dear Marisa. The desire for a husband or children are so similar. During my longing I found mutual comfort from a friend who waited for a husband even longer than I waited for a child. We both got our answers around the same time and now we pray for each other to love and appreciate our answers to prayer. The bottom line is that only Christ fills and satisfies the inner longings. We can only love well when our well is full of Him. ❀

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